Quiet day....so nice.

  What a nice day it has been. No appointments except for the visiting nurse to change the dressing on my PICC (Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter). A peripherally inserted central catheter is a form of IV access. The catheter is inserted in a vein usually located in the arm with the catheter tip terminating in a large vein close to the heart. This is how my fluids, usually normal saline, get into my body to help keep me from getting dehydrated. It is always in my arm and can stay there for many months. Showering is difficult and I have to be careful with it but it is basically the only thing keeping me out of the hospital! So I love it. I am living on that and chocolate flavored Boost! Sometimes I throw a strawberry flavored one in there to shake things up a bit.
  I hope everyone has had a pleasant Monday. I see the doctor tomorrow to have my lab work done and a whole bunch of touchy feely stuff done. Fun. Give an update tomorrow.
  Cherish Every Moment. XOXO

Oh what a night....

   No, not that kind of night. Although that sounds pretty good! My night consisted of waking and not knowing where I was, attempting to get out of bed and go somewhere, anywhere, that might seem familiar and in the process of doing this, falling flat on my face. Good thing Jim was there, right? Wrong! I will share with you a piece of personal information...I sleep in the master bedroom and Jim sleeps in the guest room...every night. Basically, it's because he snores. Now, snoring might not be the appropriate term for what happens while he sleeps.  It is so loud that it actually causes vibrations through the pillows! I have been known to snore some too. I love him and miss sleeping with him but neither of us would get much sleep together. I tell you this only to explain why my husband was not there with me to help me figure out where the hell I was. And, then, lying there on the floor, I have an epiphany! I can text him to come help me! I figure wherever I am, he will be able to tell me my location. Sort of like a husband GPS or a JimJim (TomTom). I laid there, on the floor, for about 10 minutes waiting for my knight in shining armor. Nothing. So I start feeling around to reaquaint myself to my surroundings. And lo and behold I realize I am in my own bedroom! Thank God!  I carefully get up and make my way to the bathroom. It is then that my knight arrives and asks, "Did you text me?"  I burst out laughing and told him yes but I am fine now. I get back in bed and explain to him what happens and he comes and gets in the bed next to me and holds me for awhile. I have got to be the luckiest person in this world. To be loved by someone so much.
  Long story short.....hehe....the new medicines that the pain doctors have prescribed are helping with the pain but now I just can't remember where the heck I am!!! Cherish Every Moment my friends! xoxo

There are ALWAYS silver linings.

    It's Friday!! Yay! and it's Spring!! Yay!  How much better could it get? I absolutely love springtime. Everything is so new and alive. And it reminds me of how I am a part of a larger picture. A picture of beauty and strength, a picture of growing and renewing. I just know that this protocol is going to bring good changes.I can just feel it! I am reminded by my doctors that this will not be a cure....there is no cure...yet. But I would be perfectly happy with remission. Without feeling like every breath could be my last. It is such a horrible way to live.....in fear. I find that I keep everything in my life, Alex's life, the household, bills, just everything ready. For example, I keep a week's worth of Alex's medication sorted into a pill box plus I keep a list of everything with their generic and brand names, color and shape of pills, etc on a card with his medicines with times and days of administration.. I hate being so "OCD" or whatever someone might call it but it gives me comfort knowing that if something should happen that he is okay at least in the drug department (lol).
    I want to go outside and play in the dirt. Plant my plants. Pull out the weeds. Put down new mulch.  I think I have at least 20 plants/shrubs that need to be put in the ground.  Unfortunately, it's not going to be me doing any of it.  I have strict instructions and am unable for several reasons. The main reason is that my PICC line in my arm could become dislodged from its' perfect place near my heart. Directions say not to lift anything over 10 lbs and never lift my arm above my head (no, my armpit does not stink....I do manage to get deodorant on) and I must be careful stretching/reaching with that arm. If something were to happen to it, the one I have would have to be removed and a new one put in. Not fun. These "rules" affect every aspect of my life. Have you ever washed a load of clothes that weighs less than 10 lbs? Did you know that a gallon of milk weighs more than 10 lbs? But here comes the silver lining...... Jim and Alex have to help me!!  They don't mind. In fact, I think it helps them feel like they are doing something helpful. Hmmm......I'm thinking the toilet cleaning wand must be over 10 lbs too.
   Cherish every moment (even the moments spent cleaning the toilet). XOXO

Yuck, yuck, yuck...

My body is not what it used to be, even just a week ago.  The "Poison" aka chemotherapy has changed it. Temporarily I hope!! My skin is dry with sores all over it. My ankles, well, what used to be my ankles, have all but disappeared, my hair, what I have of it, is coarse and my scalp itches CONSTANTLY! Have you ever put benadryl on your hair/head?? The only thing that I can eat, and usually keep down, is PopTarts. POPTARTS! Really? Couldn't be something healthy like veggies or whole grain cereal. Just had to be PopTarts. However, I look at it like this. A month ago I couldn't even eat a piece of a PopTart much less a whole one. So I will take what I can get and eat PopTarts.
      The pain is getting worse. I am taking a lot of pain medication but still can't seem to get it under control. I am taking an extended release dilaudid called Exalgo. I prefer to call it "Hidalgo" because the thought of Viggo Mortensen helps immensely regardless of the severity of the pain. *winkwink*.  I will be seeing my pain management team bright and early tomorrow morning to discuss making some changes to the meds. I want to be as comfortable and as close to pain-free for as long as I can. But I do NOT want to be in a hospital setting!!
     Bath time then bedtime. Hopefully in less pain tonight than last night. Cherish every moment. xoxo

Why I decided to blog.

Hi friends, if you are reading this then, apparently, I managed to do something right. LOL! Blogging is new for me but I decided to give it a try at the insistence of my mother. How many of us do things our mothers suggest just so they will stop talking about it?

After I thought about it, I decided it sounded like a good idea. Most things I just post on Facebook. There are 2 problems with that. 1. Often the things I post are upsetting to my children. and 2. I'm sure there are friends on my Facebook that get tired of hearing about my day to day struggle with cancer.

I hope you are here reading because you want to be and not because someone told you that you had to. As always, regardless of the situation at hand, Cherish Every Moment! xoxo